In honor of the process of beard growth...

Beard Growth...

Scientist that hopes to be a future astronaut, see astronaut4hire.com

In my investigations of what's-what in the world of beards on You Tube, I have found an interesting trend.  There are many men that feel the need to document the growth of thier beards - and though my initial thoughts about this were "how trite" - I'm really facinated by this now.  I'm interested in this inclination to document the process.  To show the world how long it takes, what it looks like every time it changes.  It reminds me of watching science films in my 7th grade Life Science classes.  It may not be new...but it's still interesting.  So for the sake of celebrating the time that it takes for our men to sport such folicles of glory! I give you my 2 favorite videos of beard growth!

Video 1:

I love this video because the video's subject (Jimmy Greenfield of Red Eye & Chicago Now) is so straight faced, MEANWHILE there's a vast amount of sassy faces that pop up in the background!  The entertaining Irish punk song about beards is just the sugar on top!

Video 2:

This video excites me because of the journey that the subject was taking while he was documenting his beard growth.  He decided to go on a long distance cycling trip - which I think takes some serious dedication!

This post has been written for your delight by, Commander Mojdeh.

Featured TV Show : LOST

In my last post, I briefly mentioned LOST when referencing beards-in-television.  I know that two posts about TV back-to-back could be viewed as over-kill, but luckily, my last post was not about a TV show - it was about Conan & his beard - more specifically, his beard's power to take over media!  Therefore, I am perfectly justified in this over indulgent gesture celebrating ALL OF THE BERDS OF LOST!!!

 I could continue building this post all day!

This post has been written for your delight by, Commander Mojdeh!

Media Heads Fear The Beard Take Over Is An Imminent Reality!...it is!

Fact : middle aged men look best with FULL beards; distinguished - not flashy!

Fact : By now we have all learned that the media is controlled by white middle aged men.

Fact : Conan Obrian has a new show coming out!

Fact : Conan is a white middle aged man! (also a ginger...also lanky)

This may be the first time in contemporary Late Night television history that a host has decided to sport a beard permanently! Therefore having the possibility to completely alter the standard for facial hair across all late night TV hosts. Once the Late Night TV Hosts have beards, then the News Anchors will want beards! Then the morning show men, and all the men of radio (even though we can't see them). Once all the men of radio have beards, then ALL, YES ALL the men of music will be inclined to have beards - therefore (hopefully) altering the standard of what's "sexy" on a broader scale because we all know that musicians set the real standard for what's "cool" and THEN, when having a beard is "cool" we'll see beards in prime time television - and it won't just be a continuity tactic (ie. LOST, etc) it will be REAL!

Beard + Leather = Bad Ass ... CLEARLY!

This is the "Beard Of Glory" pose! He knows!

With a beard like that...why bother paying attention to the dangers of wearing plaid with stripes!?

CLEARLY this ginger / red-beard has the power to make serious change. I suggest we all just let him do what he has to do! Do not stop him! Watch the show...once he has the ratings...the beards will come! And the "Folicual Domination" will begin! [insert world/folical domination music here]

SCENE!

This post has been written for your delight by, Commander Mojdeh!

LINKS

Mojdeh's blog post about red-beards

Mojdeh's 1st blog post about Conan

Conan's official website

PS. If you believe you can or have composed world/folical domination music. Please send your mp3s to themojdeh@gmail.com, subject "BEARD ANTHEHMS."

Featured Dessert: Dragon's Beard

No beard goes un-noticed on my watch! I recently succumbed to the urge to look at food porn.

definition : food porn [thanks wikipedia]
*a provocative term variously applied to a spectacular visual presentation of cooking or eating in advertisements, infomercials, cooking shows or other visual media.
*"Food porn" specifically refers to food photography and styling that presents food glamorously or provocatively, as in glamour photography or pornographic photography.

 In my quest to gaze at delicious delights which I cannot eat due to allergies (i.e. 3 layered chocolate cakes, with a layer of mousse, all covered in ganache, or pan fried grilled cheese sandwiches on sourdough bread...etc) - anywayz - whilst on such a quest I stumbled upon a bearded delight! Dragon's Beard Candy!

I THEN, went on a quest to FIND such a treate and had no success!

So I am raising a challenge to my readers!  If one of you fine beard enthusiasts decides to find this delectable delight and tries it --> I will post your review of the desert here; you will be a guest contributor for the day!  NOW, if you'd like to take it to the NEXT LEVEL and you decide to learn how to make it, and you send me a video of you making it, there will be a secret prize waiting for you on the other end! [this only applies to the first person to perform each act]

 

This post has been written for your delight by, Commander Mojdeh.

Links

Chocolate Cake that I shouldn't eat

Grilled Cheese Sandwich I shouldn't eat

Belgian Waffels I shouldn't eat

Beard Shaped Cake ... That I shouldn't eat

SPOT NEWS : Beard Enviest Strikes Again!

I'm sure many of you have already meditated on the important societal issues that were brought to the surface in my post titled, Sigmund Freud's Under Recognized Theory on BEARD ENVY!

It has been brought to my attention that there has been another sighting of famed Beard Enviest, Sarah Herrmann. She has been spotted with more fabricated facial follicles!

Image found on the alleged Beard Enthusiast's facebook - actually she volunteered the photo! SHOCKING!

Do not be fooled! This is NOT a REAL beard!

This Beard Enviest CLEARLY is in need of some support!

It is official - we must start a neighborhood Beard Watch!

I nominate myself as President!

If you or anyone you know has seen this person, or any other person lurking with "folicles of fabrication" - please be sure to email your poporotzi portraits to themojdeh@gmail.com, subject "BEARD POPOROTZI"!

This post has been written for your delight by, Commander Mojdeh.

Featured Musician : Iron & Wine : The Beard IS BACK in 2011

It is true! With all male musicians, but music is simply better when it has to voyage through beard BEFORE it gets to the microphone!  This is true of all talented men actually, not just musicians!  For those of you that don't know, for men, the beard is a sort of filter.  For some musicians, they enjoy to perform through a light reverb, delay, or distortion.  But for Iron & Wine, his beard acts as a pitch filter, only allowing the softest-most-gentle frequencies to sneak through to the microphone. BRILLIANT!

Sam Beam (aka, Iron & Wine)

He's dropping a new album in 2011 which we should all keep our eyes, ears, and whiskers open to!  But until then - please enjoy one of his infamous treats of past by watching this video!




This post has been written for your delight by, Commander Mojdeh.


Links
See article we borrowed photo from

Sigmund Freud's Under-Recognized Theory on BEARD ENVY!

It seems that everywhere we go, we see signs of Sigmund Feud's always-correct theories of human behavior and sexuality in effect. Most are familiar with his psychosexual theories regarding women looking for men just like thier fathers, men looking for women just like thier mothers, and of course the infamous "penis envy".  These topics have been so talked about over the last century that neo-femenist actavists like Karen Horney have even expanded that into theories like "womb envy", etc.

What no one seems to talk about, is a much more serious issue that has been plaguing women for centuries; BEARD ENVY!  One of the beard blogs anonymous researchers has been scouring social media websites (ie. facebook, etc) for examples of women who clearly have said envy.

Sarah Herrmann, 2 time offender of facial hair impersonation!

The Beard Envy is so deep with this one, she even impersonated a uni-brow.

Jesse M (left), Mojdeh (right), circa 2005, it's true, Recovering Beard Enviests.

We've been Beard-Envy-Sober for 5 years!

 This is only SOME of the shocking truth that our researcher found on the facebook. If you would like to submit any documentation of ladies with Beard Envy, please send an email to themojdeh@gmail.com, subject "BEARD BLOG".

This post has been written for your delight by, Commander Mojdeh.

Links
Why Advertising Sucks Blog - Beard Envy post
Beard Envy as result of no facial hair, only neck beard