Friday, September 24, 2010

Featured TV Show : LOST

In my last post, I briefly mentioned LOST when referencing beards-in-television.  I know that two posts about TV back-to-back could be viewed as over-kill, but luckily, my last post was not about a TV show - it was about Conan & his beard - more specifically, his beard's power to take over media!  Therefore, I am perfectly justified in this over indulgent gesture celebrating ALL OF THE BERDS OF LOST!!!

 I could continue building this post all day!
This post has been written for your delight by, Commander Mojdeh!

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Media Heads Fear The Beard Take Over Is An Imminent Reality! is!

Fact : middle aged men look best with FULL beards; distinguished - not flashy!

Fact : By now we have all learned that the media is controlled by white middle aged men.

Fact : Conan Obrian has a new show coming out!

Fact : Conan is a white middle aged man! (also a ginger...also lanky)

This may be the first time in contemporary Late Night television history that a host has decided to sport a beard permanently! Therefore having the possibility to completely alter the standard for facial hair across all late night TV hosts. Once the Late Night TV Hosts have beards, then the News Anchors will want beards! Then the morning show men, and all the men of radio (even though we can't see them). Once all the men of radio have beards, then ALL, YES ALL the men of music will be inclined to have beards - therefore (hopefully) altering the standard of what's "sexy" on a broader scale because we all know that musicians set the real standard for what's "cool" and THEN, when having a beard is "cool" we'll see beards in prime time television - and it won't just be a continuity tactic (ie. LOST, etc) it will be REAL!

Beard + Leather = Bad Ass ... CLEARLY!
This is the "Beard Of Glory" pose! He knows!
With a beard like that...why bother paying attention to the dangers of wearing plaid with stripes!?

CLEARLY this ginger / red-beard has the power to make serious change. I suggest we all just let him do what he has to do! Do not stop him! Watch the show...once he has the ratings...the beards will come! And the "Folicual Domination" will begin! [insert world/folical domination music here]


This post has been written for your delight by, Commander Mojdeh!


PS. If you believe you can or have composed world/folical domination music. Please send your mp3s to, subject "BEARD ANTHEHMS."

Monday, September 20, 2010

Featured Dessert: Dragon's Beard

No beard goes un-noticed on my watch! I recently succumbed to the urge to look at food porn.

definition : food porn [thanks wikipedia]
*a provocative term variously applied to a spectacular visual presentation of cooking or eating in advertisements, infomercials, cooking shows or other visual media.
*"Food porn" specifically refers to food photography and styling that presents food glamorously or provocatively, as in glamour photography or pornographic photography.

 In my quest to gaze at delicious delights which I cannot eat due to allergies (i.e. 3 layered chocolate cakes, with a layer of mousse, all covered in ganache, or pan fried grilled cheese sandwiches on sourdough bread...etc) - anywayz - whilst on such a quest I stumbled upon a bearded delight! Dragon's Beard Candy!

I THEN, went on a quest to FIND such a treate and had no success!

So I am raising a challenge to my readers!  If one of you fine beard enthusiasts decides to find this delectable delight and tries it --> I will post your review of the desert here; you will be a guest contributor for the day!  NOW, if you'd like to take it to the NEXT LEVEL and you decide to learn how to make it, and you send me a video of you making it, there will be a secret prize waiting for you on the other end! [this only applies to the first person to perform each act]

This post has been written for your delight by, Commander Mojdeh.

Friday, September 17, 2010

SPOT NEWS : Beard Enviest Strikes Again!

I'm sure many of you have already meditated on the important societal issues that were brought to the surface in my post titled, Sigmund Freud's Under Recognized Theory on BEARD ENVY!

It has been brought to my attention that there has been another sighting of famed Beard Enviest, Sarah Herrmann. She has been spotted with more fabricated facial follicles!

Image found on the alleged Beard Enthusiast's facebook - actually she volunteered the photo! SHOCKING!
Do not be fooled! This is NOT a REAL beard!
This Beard Enviest CLEARLY is in need of some support!

It is official - we must start a neighborhood Beard Watch!
I nominate myself as President!

If you or anyone you know has seen this person, or any other person lurking with "folicles of fabrication" - please be sure to email your poporotzi portraits to, subject "BEARD POPOROTZI"!

This post has been written for your delight by, Commander Mojdeh.

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Featured Musician : Iron & Wine : The Beard IS BACK in 2011

It is true! With all male musicians, but music is simply better when it has to voyage through beard BEFORE it gets to the microphone!  This is true of all talented men actually, not just musicians!  For those of you that don't know, for men, the beard is a sort of filter.  For some musicians, they enjoy to perform through a light reverb, delay, or distortion.  But for Iron & Wine, his beard acts as a pitch filter, only allowing the softest-most-gentle frequencies to sneak through to the microphone. BRILLIANT!

Sam Beam (aka, Iron & Wine)

He's dropping a new album in 2011 which we should all keep our eyes, ears, and whiskers open to!  But until then - please enjoy one of his infamous treats of past by watching this video!

This post has been written for your delight by, Commander Mojdeh.

See article we borrowed photo from

Monday, September 13, 2010

Sigmund Freud's Under-Recognized Theory on BEARD ENVY!

It seems that everywhere we go, we see signs of Sigmund Feud's always-correct theories of human behavior and sexuality in effect. Most are familiar with his psychosexual theories regarding women looking for men just like thier fathers, men looking for women just like thier mothers, and of course the infamous "penis envy".  These topics have been so talked about over the last century that neo-femenist actavists like Karen Horney have even expanded that into theories like "womb envy", etc.

What no one seems to talk about, is a much more serious issue that has been plaguing women for centuries; BEARD ENVY!  One of the beard blogs anonymous researchers has been scouring social media websites (ie. facebook, etc) for examples of women who clearly have said envy.

Sarah Herrmann, 2 time offender of facial hair impersonation!
The Beard Envy is so deep with this one, she even impersonated a uni-brow.

Jesse M (left), Mojdeh (right), circa 2005, it's true, Recovering Beard Enviests.

We've been Beard-Envy-Sober for 5 years!
 This is only SOME of the shocking truth that our researcher found on the facebook. If you would like to submit any documentation of ladies with Beard Envy, please send an email to, subject "BEARD BLOG".

This post has been written for your delight by, Commander Mojdeh.

Why Advertising Sucks Blog - Beard Envy post
Beard Envy as result of no facial hair, only neck beard

Friday, September 10, 2010

Featured Apparel: They Grow On You!

While surfing looking for something COMPLETELY UN BEARD RELATED (i swear!), I stumbled upon this delight!
I have a soft spot for humor that's just a touch punny! And the best part is that the shirts being modeled by a bonified beard!
You can buy this shirt by clicking here!

This post has been written for your delight by, Commander Mojdeh.

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Featured Video: If Your Dad Doesn't Have a Beard, You've Got Two Mums

Despite my recent frustrations with youtube. It appears that I have reconciled my issues with youtube ... for now! And to show my appreciation of my ability to share ridiculous beardy-videos with the world. Here's a taste of THE BEARDS, a band from Australia!

This post has been brought to you for your delight by, Commander Mojdeh.

THE BEARDS official myspace page

Monday, September 6, 2010

TAKING IT TO THE NEXT LEVEL! Advances in processed foods invigorate folical creators! Is this the end of the Rogain Era?

So I recently watched the new Willie Wonka & The Chocolate Factory while I was babysitting a friend's 4 year old.  During the invention room sequence Willie introduces this "hair toffee" and says "You suck down one of these...and a brand new crop of hair will start growing out of all over your little noggin, and a mustache, and a beard..." and then one of the kids says "who want's a beard?" Willie replies, "...beatnicks for one..." and I just started laughing!

So, this was supposed to be a ridiculous post about a "mysterious scientist" that developed a candy that can grow hair. I was intending on embedding a streaming selection of the "documentary" that I had viewed about said candy...but I was having so many technical difficulties that instead this has become a story about not being able to post this post as it was originally intended!  This post has been taken TO THE NEXT LEVEL!

My post was supposed to read as follows:
"For two decades lotions, shampoos, and compounds like Rogain have been many men's solotions to loss of hair.  Other men choose to pay top dollar for hair implants!  But luckily, one of the UK's most well recognized scientific innovators, William Wonka, has created a tiny, yet delicious solution to this problem, Hair Toffee!


Except, where the link is, I wanted to embed the video - I think media content is more interesting with some kind of visual aid AND the post looses it's humor w/o the video clip.  Simple business, right?  Well, if you navigate to the youtube page, and click the "embed" button you will notice that a prompt pops up where the html code should be! "Embedding disabled by request" So being the resourcefull blogger that I am, I thought, no biggie. I used one of those youtube ripping softwares and saved the video to my laptop. I then logged into my own youtube and uploaded the video freshly - thinking, I could then embed the video from my page. ALAS, youtube must've built some kind of algorythm searching for videos with like information - the video was auto-blocked from being embedable, just seconds after posting it!! I tried re-loading it with a different file name, etc etc, three atempts later - I gave up on youtube.

NEXT I thought, well, let me just rip the audio and I'll post it utilizing an audio streaming service, but every audio streamer I tried to load on my computer won't recognize the audio file! DAMN! So FINALLY I decided that I would just post a link (as you saw before) and post screen shots of the scene in the invention room. BUT MY BEARD BLOG WON'T READ THE SCREEN SHOTS!!!! AHHHHH! So I streaming streaming audio...and no screen shots!  But that didn't stop me from beard-blogging!

No worries, nothing will ever stop me from beard blogging!

This post has been written for your delight by, Commander Mojdeh!

Gripes About YouTube
Mojdeh's Star Trek Blog

Friday, September 3, 2010

Man's Best Affectation? Doctor from the future reviels the truth behind the beard while playing a leisure game of poker!

Beverly Crusher is the future's most well respected medical practicianer.  You may remember her from such "future history" programs like, Star Trek the Next Generation!  She is not convinced that the beard is a necessity!  But clearly the men of the future disagree! Frankly, so do I!

This post has been brought to you for your delight by, Commander Mojdeh.

Synopsis of "The Quality of Life" STNG episode
My Star Trek Blog

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

Beard Fraud : Some Things Just Need To Surface Before The Truth Comes Out!

this image was strategically stolen from

This post has been shared for your pleasure by, Commander Mojdeh.

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