Flashback | Bryan Bowden : Bearded Comedian

With the eminent return of WORDS THAT KILL this Thursday at creative lounge CHICAGO, in Wicker Park - I thought I would (re)celebrate a comedian that the LP team loves!  Click HERE to view the post on my new ChicagoNow blog, BEARD CANDY!

The Great Mundane ! on BEARD CANDY!

I just wrote an awesome review of a former Chicago musician, The Great Mundane. He currently resides in Portland OR and is on tour. I caught his show at the Empty Bottle a couple of weeks ago...took some sweet photos and just posted my review.

Check it out here at my new blog, BEARD CANDY, on ChicagoNow!

Links
my photography

Is Somebody Embarrassed? Beard Controversy on ChicagoNow.com

Embarrassed Face - Be careful what you say!

Hello Friends! Read about all of today's Beard Controversies!  It's better than People, or Star magazine...it's BEARD CANDY!!! 

Read the 2nd post of my new beard blog on Chicago Now!!

Mondays : Classic Flash Backs!

Wednesdays : Beard Controversy!

Friday : Always Entertaining!

The Beard Blog Has Moved To CHICAGONOW.COM!!!

That's right folks. Your friendly, neighborhood, beard blogger's blog has been picked up by the esteemed CHICAGO NOW website (which is an affiliate of the Chicago Tribune!).

The blog is back, in action, and now ready to TAKE OVER THE WORLD!!! Or...at least...take it to the next level!!

Please join me at http://www.chicagonow.com/beardcandy every monday, wednesday, and friday for all things beardy!

Before I go however, I'd like to thank Dan (the original father of this blog) for welcoming me to be a contributor for 6 months!  You're the man, Dan - feel free to send me suggestions or guest-write on my Chicago Now blog anytime!

This has been a warm and loving message brought to you by, Commander Mojdeh.

LINKS
Chicago Now blog, BEARD CANDY

SEND PRESS RELEASES & SUGGESTIONS TO
themojdeh@gmail.com
Please make certian your subject begins "BEARD CANDY: [insert subtext]"

Featured Apparal: Beardy Beanies!

It's that time of year! I'm here to help you all save your sanity on Black Friday!!! This installment will help you stay put in your home, whilst shopping for things that can only warm the heart, soul, head & lower face! :-)>

I am in love with these winter caps! They wrap right around the face to create a foe-beard throughout the winter! HOW WONDERFUL! The best part, is the little twirly top of the mustache!

I'm ready to go on a little bike ride mid-winter. Don't mind me, I'll just be the beardy lady . . . but you can call me, Moj Beard!

Okay, now that I'm done with my outburst I can tell you all about where you can scoop them up for the holidays!

An estranged young lady whom I have never met, is apparently inspired by the wondrous glory of furry face and has made it her life's calling to sell said Beardy Beanies on her etsy page! So please visit TaraDuff's etsy and support her in her mad science of knitted beard magic

This post has been written for your delight by, Moj Beard!

Links:

Tarra Duff's Etsy Page
Mojdeh's Official Website
Moj Beard, Private Investigator

Don't Get Lost in the Shadow

Dear Friends,

This friendly blog post is to inform you that I am going to sneak into the 5'oclock shadow of life for a couple of months and return with some great/wonderful adventures of the lost follicles!  So for those of you that are already following this feed - keep following. Those that check in 3 times a week - START FOLLOWING! And always feel free to email press releases, comments, questions, etc to themojdeh@gmail.com.

Meanwhile, I will continue to cover beard-related events in Chicago and beyond. I will make special note of anything beardy - that you guys share with me - and post about it all upon my return.  Thanks for being such great followers my friends! :)

With Love,
Commander Mojdeh


But for good luck...I leave you with this...

Harry Potter...expressing his magic in full-follicle!

Patience Needed: Man Sad - Woman Happy

So I've noticed that there's a whole bunch of internet happenings surrounding the sad mis-happenings of pitifully grown beards.  Most of these mentions are perpetuated by men that have been coaxed by their ladies to take a stab at "Sexy Scruff", like on this man's blog, but sadly these men are not confident enough in the possibilities of their future "Sexy Scruff" to give it the time it needs to grow in! This man's blog received a lot of entertaining feedback - which was quite split. The men who clearly had beards themselves told him to give it time, and everyone else simply told him there may not be hope, BUT, it was a worthy experiment for the sake of his lady!  My favorite comment, posted by user "PMD" reads as follows:

To quote The Quiet Beatle...

"It's gonna take time
A whole lot of precious time
It's gonna take patience and time
To do it,
to do it,
to do it,
to do it,
to do it
To do it right"

And on that note. I'm going to leave you with George Harrison's video of this particular song!  Please note the ridiculous nature of his mullet...but the loveliness of his5 o'clock shadow.

George Harrison, rockin his 'stache!

This post has been written for your delight by, Commander Mojdeh.

Links
Scruff is Sexy - Facebook Group
Shia LaBeouf brings back his Sexy Scruff

In honor of the process of beard growth...

Beard Growth...

Scientist that hopes to be a future astronaut, see astronaut4hire.com

In my investigations of what's-what in the world of beards on You Tube, I have found an interesting trend.  There are many men that feel the need to document the growth of thier beards - and though my initial thoughts about this were "how trite" - I'm really facinated by this now.  I'm interested in this inclination to document the process.  To show the world how long it takes, what it looks like every time it changes.  It reminds me of watching science films in my 7th grade Life Science classes.  It may not be new...but it's still interesting.  So for the sake of celebrating the time that it takes for our men to sport such folicles of glory! I give you my 2 favorite videos of beard growth!

Video 1:

I love this video because the video's subject (Jimmy Greenfield of Red Eye & Chicago Now) is so straight faced, MEANWHILE there's a vast amount of sassy faces that pop up in the background!  The entertaining Irish punk song about beards is just the sugar on top!

Video 2:

This video excites me because of the journey that the subject was taking while he was documenting his beard growth.  He decided to go on a long distance cycling trip - which I think takes some serious dedication!

This post has been written for your delight by, Commander Mojdeh.

Featured TV Show : LOST

In my last post, I briefly mentioned LOST when referencing beards-in-television.  I know that two posts about TV back-to-back could be viewed as over-kill, but luckily, my last post was not about a TV show - it was about Conan & his beard - more specifically, his beard's power to take over media!  Therefore, I am perfectly justified in this over indulgent gesture celebrating ALL OF THE BERDS OF LOST!!!

 I could continue building this post all day!

This post has been written for your delight by, Commander Mojdeh!

Media Heads Fear The Beard Take Over Is An Imminent Reality!...it is!

Fact : middle aged men look best with FULL beards; distinguished - not flashy!

Fact : By now we have all learned that the media is controlled by white middle aged men.

Fact : Conan Obrian has a new show coming out!

Fact : Conan is a white middle aged man! (also a ginger...also lanky)

This may be the first time in contemporary Late Night television history that a host has decided to sport a beard permanently! Therefore having the possibility to completely alter the standard for facial hair across all late night TV hosts. Once the Late Night TV Hosts have beards, then the News Anchors will want beards! Then the morning show men, and all the men of radio (even though we can't see them). Once all the men of radio have beards, then ALL, YES ALL the men of music will be inclined to have beards - therefore (hopefully) altering the standard of what's "sexy" on a broader scale because we all know that musicians set the real standard for what's "cool" and THEN, when having a beard is "cool" we'll see beards in prime time television - and it won't just be a continuity tactic (ie. LOST, etc) it will be REAL!

Beard + Leather = Bad Ass ... CLEARLY!

This is the "Beard Of Glory" pose! He knows!

With a beard like that...why bother paying attention to the dangers of wearing plaid with stripes!?

CLEARLY this ginger / red-beard has the power to make serious change. I suggest we all just let him do what he has to do! Do not stop him! Watch the show...once he has the ratings...the beards will come! And the "Folicual Domination" will begin! [insert world/folical domination music here]

SCENE!

This post has been written for your delight by, Commander Mojdeh!

LINKS

Mojdeh's blog post about red-beards

Mojdeh's 1st blog post about Conan

Conan's official website

PS. If you believe you can or have composed world/folical domination music. Please send your mp3s to themojdeh@gmail.com, subject "BEARD ANTHEHMS."

Featured Dessert: Dragon's Beard

No beard goes un-noticed on my watch! I recently succumbed to the urge to look at food porn.

definition : food porn [thanks wikipedia]
*a provocative term variously applied to a spectacular visual presentation of cooking or eating in advertisements, infomercials, cooking shows or other visual media.
*"Food porn" specifically refers to food photography and styling that presents food glamorously or provocatively, as in glamour photography or pornographic photography.

 In my quest to gaze at delicious delights which I cannot eat due to allergies (i.e. 3 layered chocolate cakes, with a layer of mousse, all covered in ganache, or pan fried grilled cheese sandwiches on sourdough bread...etc) - anywayz - whilst on such a quest I stumbled upon a bearded delight! Dragon's Beard Candy!

I THEN, went on a quest to FIND such a treate and had no success!

So I am raising a challenge to my readers!  If one of you fine beard enthusiasts decides to find this delectable delight and tries it --> I will post your review of the desert here; you will be a guest contributor for the day!  NOW, if you'd like to take it to the NEXT LEVEL and you decide to learn how to make it, and you send me a video of you making it, there will be a secret prize waiting for you on the other end! [this only applies to the first person to perform each act]

 

This post has been written for your delight by, Commander Mojdeh.

Links

Chocolate Cake that I shouldn't eat

Grilled Cheese Sandwich I shouldn't eat

Belgian Waffels I shouldn't eat

Beard Shaped Cake ... That I shouldn't eat

SPOT NEWS : Beard Enviest Strikes Again!

I'm sure many of you have already meditated on the important societal issues that were brought to the surface in my post titled, Sigmund Freud's Under Recognized Theory on BEARD ENVY!

It has been brought to my attention that there has been another sighting of famed Beard Enviest, Sarah Herrmann. She has been spotted with more fabricated facial follicles!

Image found on the alleged Beard Enthusiast's facebook - actually she volunteered the photo! SHOCKING!

Do not be fooled! This is NOT a REAL beard!

This Beard Enviest CLEARLY is in need of some support!

It is official - we must start a neighborhood Beard Watch!

I nominate myself as President!

If you or anyone you know has seen this person, or any other person lurking with "folicles of fabrication" - please be sure to email your poporotzi portraits to themojdeh@gmail.com, subject "BEARD POPOROTZI"!

This post has been written for your delight by, Commander Mojdeh.

Featured Musician : Iron & Wine : The Beard IS BACK in 2011

It is true! With all male musicians, but music is simply better when it has to voyage through beard BEFORE it gets to the microphone!  This is true of all talented men actually, not just musicians!  For those of you that don't know, for men, the beard is a sort of filter.  For some musicians, they enjoy to perform through a light reverb, delay, or distortion.  But for Iron & Wine, his beard acts as a pitch filter, only allowing the softest-most-gentle frequencies to sneak through to the microphone. BRILLIANT!

Sam Beam (aka, Iron & Wine)

He's dropping a new album in 2011 which we should all keep our eyes, ears, and whiskers open to!  But until then - please enjoy one of his infamous treats of past by watching this video!




This post has been written for your delight by, Commander Mojdeh.


Links
See article we borrowed photo from

Sigmund Freud's Under-Recognized Theory on BEARD ENVY!

It seems that everywhere we go, we see signs of Sigmund Feud's always-correct theories of human behavior and sexuality in effect. Most are familiar with his psychosexual theories regarding women looking for men just like thier fathers, men looking for women just like thier mothers, and of course the infamous "penis envy".  These topics have been so talked about over the last century that neo-femenist actavists like Karen Horney have even expanded that into theories like "womb envy", etc.

What no one seems to talk about, is a much more serious issue that has been plaguing women for centuries; BEARD ENVY!  One of the beard blogs anonymous researchers has been scouring social media websites (ie. facebook, etc) for examples of women who clearly have said envy.

Sarah Herrmann, 2 time offender of facial hair impersonation!

The Beard Envy is so deep with this one, she even impersonated a uni-brow.

Jesse M (left), Mojdeh (right), circa 2005, it's true, Recovering Beard Enviests.

We've been Beard-Envy-Sober for 5 years!

 This is only SOME of the shocking truth that our researcher found on the facebook. If you would like to submit any documentation of ladies with Beard Envy, please send an email to themojdeh@gmail.com, subject "BEARD BLOG".

This post has been written for your delight by, Commander Mojdeh.

Links
Why Advertising Sucks Blog - Beard Envy post
Beard Envy as result of no facial hair, only neck beard

Featured Apparel: They Grow On You!

While surfing zazzle.com looking for something COMPLETELY UN BEARD RELATED (i swear!), I stumbled upon this delight!

I have a soft spot for humor that's just a touch punny! And the best part is that the shirts being modeled by a bonified beard!

You can buy this shirt by clicking here!

This post has been written for your delight by, Commander Mojdeh.

Featured Video: If Your Dad Doesn't Have a Beard, You've Got Two Mums

Despite my recent frustrations with youtube. It appears that I have reconciled my issues with youtube ... for now! And to show my appreciation of my ability to share ridiculous beardy-videos with the world. Here's a taste of THE BEARDS, a band from Australia!

This post has been brought to you for your delight by, Commander Mojdeh.

Links
THE BEARDS official myspace page

TAKING IT TO THE NEXT LEVEL! Advances in processed foods invigorate folical creators! Is this the end of the Rogain Era?

So I recently watched the new Willie Wonka & The Chocolate Factory while I was babysitting a friend's 4 year old.  During the invention room sequence Willie introduces this "hair toffee" and says "You suck down one of these...and a brand new crop of hair will start growing out of all over your little noggin, and a mustache, and a beard..." and then one of the kids says "who want's a beard?" Willie replies, "...beatnicks for one..." and I just started laughing!

So, this was supposed to be a ridiculous post about a "mysterious scientist" that developed a candy that can grow hair. I was intending on embedding a streaming selection of the "documentary" that I had viewed about said candy...but I was having so many technical difficulties that instead this has become a story about not being able to post this post as it was originally intended!  This post has been taken TO THE NEXT LEVEL!

My post was supposed to read as follows:
"For two decades lotions, shampoos, and compounds like Rogain have been many men's solotions to loss of hair.  Other men choose to pay top dollar for hair implants!  But luckily, one of the UK's most well recognized scientific innovators, William Wonka, has created a tiny, yet delicious solution to this problem, Hair Toffee!

CLICK HERE TO VIEW VIDEO ABOUT "HAIR TOFFEE"

Except, where the link is, I wanted to embed the video - I think media content is more interesting with some kind of visual aid AND the post looses it's humor w/o the video clip.  Simple business, right?  Well, if you navigate to the youtube page, and click the "embed" button you will notice that a prompt pops up where the html code should be! "Embedding disabled by request" So being the resourcefull blogger that I am, I thought, no biggie. I used one of those youtube ripping softwares and saved the video to my laptop. I then logged into my own youtube and uploaded the video freshly - thinking, I could then embed the video from my page. ALAS, youtube must've built some kind of algorythm searching for videos with like information - the video was auto-blocked from being embedable, just seconds after posting it!! I tried re-loading it with a different file name, etc etc, three atempts later - I gave up on youtube.

NEXT I thought, well, let me just rip the audio and I'll post it utilizing an audio streaming service, but every audio streamer I tried to load on my computer won't recognize the audio file! DAMN! So FINALLY I decided that I would just post a link (as you saw before) and post screen shots of the scene in the invention room. BUT MY BEARD BLOG WON'T READ THE SCREEN SHOTS!!!! AHHHHH! So alas...here I am...no streaming video...no streaming audio...and no screen shots!  But that didn't stop me from beard-blogging!

No worries, nothing will ever stop me from beard blogging!

This post has been written for your delight by, Commander Mojdeh!

Links
Gripes About YouTube
Mojdeh's Star Trek Blog

Man's Best Affectation? Doctor from the future reviels the truth behind the beard while playing a leisure game of poker!

Beverly Crusher is the future's most well respected medical practicianer.  You may remember her from such "future history" programs like, Star Trek the Next Generation!  She is not convinced that the beard is a necessity!  But clearly the men of the future disagree! Frankly, so do I!



This post has been brought to you for your delight by, Commander Mojdeh.

Links
Synopsis of "The Quality of Life" STNG episode
My Star Trek Blog

Beard Fraud : Some Things Just Need To Surface Before The Truth Comes Out!

this image was strategically stolen from lefthandedtoons.com

This post has been shared for your pleasure by, Commander Mojdeh.

Links
My Star Trek Blog
My Facebook
My Business
My Band

Man decides to save the world with the most "well" designed "facial" hair on Earth! AKA: The reason why men should consult thier women before ruining thier faces!

PARENTAL ADVISORY : Viewing this post may perminently damage the eyes of children, young adults, and elderly that have a low tolerence for the stupid things people do to thier bodies in the name of "body art".

oh the things we post on the internet!

This post has been written for your pleasure by, Commander Mojdeh.